she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
