I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this just has baby written all over it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
