There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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