Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
