dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
