bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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