It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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