Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
