And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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