just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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