I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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