4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
