you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
