Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
