You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
