Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
