i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
