Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
