Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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