last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
