in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
