we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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