A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize