I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
