so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
