my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
