When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize