My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
