I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize