He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
