shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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