i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
