I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
