you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
