I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
