when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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