GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
