can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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