Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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