like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
