I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
