im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
