btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
