I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
