butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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