my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
