giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize