these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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