I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
