I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
