all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize