some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
