Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
whose parrot is this?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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