He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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