Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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