please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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