Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
