i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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