You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize