if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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