I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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