i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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