My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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