I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
