Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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