Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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