i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
